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OPTIONS

TO MY PARENTS:

Alice  Freeman  and  Joseph Louis Brooks

 

For It Is Written  ....  (1 Corinthians 1:10)

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WHEN I MOVED IN YOUR WOMB AND MY HEAD WAS CROWNING

AND IF THAT MOMENT IN TIME, YOU FELT YOU WERE DROWNING –

IF YOU WERE SEEKING ANY RELIEF IN THOSE MOMENTS OF FEW,

YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN IT YOUR ALL, AND DONE “UNDENIABLY” YOU:

 

DURING THE FIRST REALIZATION THAT YOU WERE “WITH KID”,

YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO ME, WHAT WITH YOUR FIRSTBORN YOU DID;

TAKE AN OLYMPIC-TYPE DIVE OFF THE END OF YOUR BED

IN AN INFALLIBLE ATTEMPT TO CRUSH MY NEWLY FORMED HEAD.

 

IF YOU WERE WARNED ABOUT DRINKING WHILE CARRYING ME

YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED AT A LIQUOR STORE, AND SET YOURSELF “FREE” :

INGESTING ANYTHING YOU DESIRED THAT WOULD TOTALLY SERVE

TO “DISCONNECT” ME FROM YOUR “EVERY” NERVE.

 

WHEN TIME CAME FOR DELIVERY, AND I WAS “CUT LOOSE” FROM YOU,

YOU HAD “PLENTY” OF OPTIONS – BUT ONLY “ONE" CALL WAS DUE:

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD THE STAFF THERE (ALL PRESENT AND TALL)

THAT YOU HAD NO DESIRE TO KEEP YOUR BABY GIRL AT ALL.

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED THEM FROM LAYING ME THERE ON YOUR CHEST

AND PROTESTED THEM FROM PLACING ME CLOSE WHILE YOU REST –

(I’VE LEARNED THAT THE SECOND YOU EXPRESS SUCH A THING,

THAT YOU’D NEVER HAVE TO HEAR YOUR CHILD CRY … OR SING.)

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE / ANYONE STANDING NEAR

OF YOUR ILL-GOTTEN THOUGHTS, YOUR IDEAS, OF YOUR “FEAR” –

AND ASSURED THEM THAT YOUR FEELINGS WOULD LINGER UNTIL

YOU’D HURT ME AS I GREW – AND YOU'D POSSIBLY “KILL”.

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID YOU’D ATTACK ME, AS I STARTED TO CRAWL

AND THAT YOU’D HARDLY “FEED ME” (IF YOU FED ME AT ALL) –

AND HEAVEN FORBID IF I GOT HURT (DREW BLOOD, SKINNED A KNEE)

BECAUSE “YOUR” BRAND OF CONSOLATION WOULD BE TO “THREATEN” ME;

 

WARNING ME IF MY “CARELESSNESS” COST YOU EVEN AN HOUR OF PAY

CAUSING YOUR HAVING TO TAKE ME TO A HOSPITAL ON ANY GIVEN DAY,

HOW YOU WOULD “DEFINITELY” MAKE THIS INTO A THING OF “FUN”

BY BEATING ME SENSELESS (UNTIL THE “MOON” MET THE “SUN”) .

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD SOMEONE THAT I RESEMBLED “YOUR” MOTHER

AND FOR “THAT” REASON, YOU HATED ME LIKE YOU HATED NO OTHER –

THAT YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO STAND LOOKING AT MY FACE

AND THAT YOU’D PREFER THAT I LIVED SOME OTHER PLACE.

 

YOU SEE, YOU DID HAVE OPTIONS: YOU COULD HAVE LEFT ME BEHIND:

WHAT WITH THE “LIFE” YOU DID GIVE, I WOULD HAVE CONSIDERED IT “KIND".

ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES WOULD HAVE BEEN “WELCOME” YOU SEE,

THAN BEING HANDED TO TWO PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T WANT ME.

 

RATHER THAN TAKING ME THROUGH EIGHT FULL YEARS OF HELL

YOU COULD'VE ENTERED A TALL BUILDING, DROPPED ME OVER THE RAIL;

YOU COULD HAVE CREATED A RECEPTACLE AND BURNED ME AS ASH

OR SIMPLY WRAPPED AND DEPOSITED ME IN YOUR LANDLADY'S TRASH.

 

INSTEAD OF KEEPING ME HIDDEN AND OUT OF SIGHT

YOU SHOULD HAVE OPENED THE DOOR AND TURNED ON THE LIGHT -

INVITED THE FIRST PERCEPTION OF CHILD PROTECTION IN,

POINTED THEM IN MY DIRECTION, AND LET "WHATEVER" BEGIN.

 

YOU COULD HAVE “SOLD” ME TO SOME MAN AS YOU THREATENED TO

OR SIMPLY “ENDED” MY LIFE BEFORE DEATH WAS DUE.

YOU COULD HAVE DROPPED ME IN THE HANDS OF ANYONE  ...

THEN YOUR “RESPONSIBILITY” FOR ME, WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER AND “DONE”.

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YOU DEFINITELY HAD OPTIONS. 

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©  SEPTEMBER 10, 1970  /  AGE 10